Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to feel joy? If you suffer from pain, PTSD, or a chronic lifestyle of busyness, it can be difficult to take in the goodness of life without the pain of the past or fear of the future flooding in.
Physical and emotional pain causes your thoughts to be more focused inward, making it extremely difficult to notice the beauty around you. This is normal and makes sense. The resistance you feel towards joy is not a choice but a physiological response to stress.
Unfortunately, you can't easily snap your fingers and be better, but by creating a practice of noticing beauty, you can show yourself—in micro-moments—that you are safe. Below, I'll walk you through reasons why your efforts to feel joy may not be working and how creating a beauty practice can heal the brain.
Why Gratitude Journals Don't Work
If you’re anything like me, there is a stack of dusty and mostly blank gratitude journals taking up space on my bookshelf. The concept of writing in a gratitude journal every day has its appeal, sort of like setting New Year's resolutions. Annnnd unfortunately, the practice usually lasts long enough to fill out one day’s worth of things you should be grateful for. No wonder the habit doesn’t last; shoulding yourself is not that exciting.
Some people preach about the power of gratitude, and while it is powerful, I have found that I can’t be truly grateful if I’m not in my body. Gratitude is so much more than saying your good-mannered please and thank yous; it is an awe-struck sensation of love that leaves you feeling cared for, known, and seen.
"Gratitude is so much more than saying your good-mannered please and thank yous; it is an awe-struck sensation of love that leaves you feeling safe, cared for, and seen."
- Beauty Heals
For many people, experiencing genuine gratitude isn’t that simple because stress keeps it from settling into the soul. No matter how many times you say "I'm thankful for my family," it never leaves you awe-struck or changed.
How is Stress Affecting My Body?
If you experience chronic stress, your brain is focused on one thing and one thing only: safety and preservation. This causes you to become incredibly narrow-sighted and flooded with stress biochemicals (adrenaline and cortisol). In this stress state, your body goes into two different modes. You either disassociate from the present (hypoarousal) or you throw yourself into action (hyperarousal).
If you find yourself constantly in motion, moving from task to task to task, working endless hours without taking a break, your body is likely in a hyperarousal state. If you find yourself shut down, numb to life around you, and unmotivated to do anything, it is possible that you are hypoaroused.
Why Does Stress Make it Hard Be Present ?
Ask any survivor of trauma what they remember about the days, months, or even years following the traumatic event, and they will only be able to share fragmented memories. It doesn't matter what type of injury it is; all wounds go through the same method of healing. Whether it’s an acute injury, chronic illness, emotional wound, or a lifetime of suffering, all of the body’s energy rushes to the "wound". This is why you become so tired and mentally shut down: your body is trying to protect and heal itself, not prioritizing joy.
"It doesn't matter what type of ingury it is, all wounds go through the same method of healing. Whether it’s an acute injury, chronic illness, emotional wound, or a lifetime of suffering, all of the body’s energy rushes to the 'wound.'"
- Beauty Heals
The brain rehearses the story of the traumatic event (past) and meditates on ways to prevent it from happening again (future). This level of hypervigilance is common and normal for people who have experienced trauma, and it often feels inescapable. Simply thinking of things to be grateful for or counting your blessings doesn’t cut it. The nervous system needs a lot more help and regular practice of grounding into the present moment.
Giving Your Brain More Evidence
For the brain to feel safe, it needs evidence—and lots of it. Not only does it need to know you are out of the place of danger and that you have resources available to get help, but it also needs to sense safety in very practical ways.
Training yourself to breathe into the moments of calm, ease, and delight throughout your day is a practical tool for showing your brain that, at this very moment, you are safe. Sometimes, you need to know with all five senses that nothing terrible is happening right now.
“In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.”
- Julia Cameron
Slowing down to pay attention to the moments of peace and safety throughout your day is not just nice to do; it can heal and rewire your brain. Once you start experiencing goodness and safety in small, regular doses, you might just be able to dust off that gratitude journal.
Create a Beauty Practice
Here's some ideas for creating a beauty practice. You don't have to even leave your house to find it.
The next time you experience a moment of peace like this, breathe into it, and think of a word or phrase that helps you make a mental note. For example, whispering phrases like “I am safe,” “Nothing bad is happening right now,” or “This is a moment of calm” may help you reconnect with your body and return to your window of tolerance. After a while, you may notice that you have a much more joy-filled life than you realized.
[…] noticing beauty has immense benefits for the brain. Go somewhere with a pen and paper and simply observe your surroundings long enough until something […]